Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
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At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
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Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit