Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.