literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
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At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.