Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
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I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.