I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
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I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
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Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you