And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time