drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
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i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
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i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher