For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
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IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww