Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.