I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
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Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
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there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick