found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
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I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?