Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (714)

Last Night in California (714)

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found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.

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(714): found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner. http://tfl.nu/5d6x

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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.

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(714): All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it. http://tfl.nu/eanx

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We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her

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(714): We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her http://tfl.nu/ekrz

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i perioded on his leg

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on. his. leg.

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(714): i perioded on his leg (714): on. his. leg. http://tfl.nu/sr0m

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walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined

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he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day

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(714): walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined (714): he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day http://tfl.nu/76ot

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I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room

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(714): I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room http://tfl.nu/2egq

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He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.

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(714): He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where. http://tfl.nu/my2r

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He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher

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(714): He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher http://tfl.nu/npc9

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he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday

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(714): he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday http://tfl.nu/odld

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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.

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(714): Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare. http://tfl.nu/ceys

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I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.

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(714): I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest. http://tfl.nu/jip9

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thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.

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(714): thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him. http://tfl.nu/1l2e

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Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.

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(714): Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going. http://tfl.nu/dlhh

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So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.

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(714): So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life. http://tfl.nu/wgtn

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you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...

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(714): you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom... http://tfl.nu/jilx

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Last Night in California (714)

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