This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"