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she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
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