At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.