you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt