Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (609)

Last Night in New Jersey (609)

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WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.

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(609): WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW. http://tfl.nu/kof5

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So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...

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(609): So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated... http://tfl.nu/17ul

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I haven't been this sober since birth.

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(609): I haven't been this sober since birth. http://tfl.nu/qg8c

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If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says

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(609): If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says http://tfl.nu/zgg0

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Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.

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(609): Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet. http://tfl.nu/2pvo

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she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that

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pussy has no personality

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Amen to that

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(609): she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that (484): pussy has no personality (609): Amen to that http://tfl.nu/mkon

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You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.

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Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.

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(609): You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener. (1-609): Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts. http://tfl.nu/3zgr

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i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.

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(609): i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th. http://tfl.nu/t2dt

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I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."

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(609): I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big." http://tfl.nu/onws

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My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.

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(609): My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well. http://tfl.nu/p8ga

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i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty

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(609): i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty http://tfl.nu/sjep

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She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .

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(609): She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . . http://tfl.nu/b8fc

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so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.

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he's a keeper

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(570): so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours. (609): he's a keeper http://tfl.nu/09kq

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I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.

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(609): I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak. http://tfl.nu/euel

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I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

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and?

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RIP clitoris

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(609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6

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Last Night in New Jersey (609)

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