I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?