Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.