why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome