Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything