please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
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Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
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promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?