That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
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His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied