Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.