Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
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You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
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he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.