thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
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Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
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You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.