i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
I just googled if crying burns calories
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.