once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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