i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
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ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy