he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.