i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
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At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.