thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.