Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
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When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this