i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Your dad touched me again.
brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.