her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
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so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
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It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it