her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it