your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.