I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate