i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.