"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i came on her dog
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it