I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.