So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.