To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
19 Totally Clueless People That’ll Make You Say ‘Bless Your Heart’
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
30 Times Ryan Reynolds’ Replies Were The Funniest Thing On Twitter
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.