she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"