So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.