I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just had sex bonerless
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious