If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.