i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section