the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?