Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.