You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.