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we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
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