Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.