If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.