But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday