She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
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She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
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