her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday