Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building