I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
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she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.