There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics