Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"