My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.