i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you inspire me to be a worse person
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!