he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.