While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.