i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.